Hey im just gonna vent here a bit, something slightly weird/magical happened, and I am not sure where would be a proper place to post this.

Ever since I was under 10 my parents were already fighting for some reason or another, I think there was cheating from my mother's part from the small bits I remember.


They broke up and my brother and I decided to stay with my father. Things went well until I was around 11, my mother began calling us asking us to go back and neither of us wanted to. Well she threatened suicide to get both of us back to her, I gave in. He paid child support for all these years, called us constantly not to ask us to go back but to check on us, gave us stuff and whatelse.


I just held this on and kept pushing through life.


Thos weekend I'm visiting him, and as we were talking the topic ressurfaced and I called him aside to talk about it. I wanted to tell him that it was a decision I made in panic and not what I was choosing for myself.


He knew.


He reassured me and gave me tips. Then the magical thing happened.


He told me she was using the same tactics against him. Eventually he burnt out then he said:


"If you want to do it so badly I won't stop you. There's only so much I can do for you."


And that stopped EVERYTHING. They broke up after that.


I feel like I learned something new.


I am still processing everything, I'm trying to find a way to navigate between being a good son who helps her with the kids and the house chores, and being someone with boundaries, someone who's not just a carpet. Her other kids are special needs, I need to help her.


Now I'm realizing that my entire personality has been shaped by this, I think that's why I was never someone who fought at all, crumbled under the slightest pressure, doesn't know to say no and all that.


I still need to think but that's a big realization for me.