i loved that list, and i went "._. shit".. in a lot of the sentences...
To begin with, you, saru, are one of the smartest people i know... if life wasn't treating you like shit you would be accomplishing even much more than you'd think..
I can tell you need some good reasons to be motivated in many things that would do you good (and you're not doing), like training by example... I do belive that at some point, maybe in a few years, things will start looking up, and i say that because the way you're putting up right now might be hard... but it's gonna teach you how to pull throught anything and anyone. I can hardly imagine seeing you fail bro... and if you ever do.. you can always make a crazy runaway and come south, to argentina. I'll give you shelter til you get a job and hunt your own food =w=