Also Jisse, there was one time where I had the exact same thoughts as you, I even emailed a couple of friends saying thanks and stuff. I even used to practice strangling my neck with a towel to prepare for the real thing. I was ready to go, but knowing that I was a physical part of few dozens of people's heart, I just couldn't, so I waited it out, got religious, started golf training, played toribash and watched a lot of rowan atkinson and john cleese british comedy (funniest guys ever). Today, 3 years later, I turned out ok, I am stronger, I look back at what happened and wondered how did I go through it. The key is patience, you have possibly another 100 years of opportunities.don't let go of it