Dude, I see you trying to expell your feelings here and I appreciate it, I hope it helped you a little BUT...
Joking apart, I'd rather you to visit a psychiatrist. For real, man, depression and all these mental issues are like a headache - you mustn't endure it. This is not a break-up or any other typical short-term suffer that you can live through, as I understand this is the thing that gonna be your mate for the rest of your life. If you can't get rid of it - you should learn to accept it, my man. Trust me, I didn't read it from Wikipedia or else, this is the thing I sadly experienced. Psychiatrist is not a psychologist, he is a real doctor who will not just listen you but will get to the heart of the problem and will help you to accept it so you can move on. Yes, probably you will get tabs also AS THE PART of your therapy and shit but man, untill your mind will produce "antibodies" you need a help so at least you can back to a normal life. Alcohol is not an option and you prolly know it well. So all up to you, man.
P.S
The friend of mine went on a lsd trip with me and it was good but after that it probably triggered his mind so he could not sleep for five days untill he get to the doctor. It's not just about LSD it's about all his life that was full of bad things who were accumulating until that moment and BOOM it happened. After two weeks of therapy he came back to a normal life, he can work, he doesn't look like a shit nor he can speak not like a 80 y.o ass. He can smile, an anxiety is not what he feel 24/7 anymore.