Originally Posted by Bloomedia

Kia ora, my name is Rob Mokaraka and I’m an actor and I’m a writer for stage and screen.

I didn’t know I had been suffering from depression, I thought it was normal to think how I’d been thinking over the last 25 years or more and everything came to a head for me in my life around 2009. The past was catching up with me after suppressing and denying years of secrets, so to speak. I had an explosion – a very public one – where I got shot by the Police because I was acting irrational and actually wanting to die that day ‘cos I was probably grieving in my head and unable to define what it was. So, I wasn’t myself that day. That changed my life for the better, so to speak.

The thing that I’d noticed, not then but over the year or so after the shooting, is I’d been building my basis of living on shame, guilt and failure and that’s not very conducive to healthy living as I found out. I was feeling really down, really dark, probably drinking more than just socially because I didn’t realise I was trying to escape from something but something was nagging me. I was also touring a show internationally as well as nationally which I was co-acting in and co-wrote. A successful show and still feeling down and having amazing accolades and responses from international audiences but still feeling like everyone was a liar, I’m not good enough, just feeling down and I wasn’t sure what this cloud was. Then slowly that was building over the year of 2008/2009 and then 2009 July that’s when I ended up trying to get dead, so to speak, to escape all this pain in my head. I’d been in that washing machine of thoughts and feelings for a long time. I thought it was normal so I didn’t know anything then about what triggers were. I didn’t know what patterns of thoughts were, so it had been happening for a long time on and off, some very dark moments.
 
When I was 21 years of age, I tried to take my life three times in one day. So, obviously, that’s a cry for help and yet my family didn’t know how to deal with it and I had to go see a shrink and I lied cos I’d been burying secrets for so long, to let anyone know this the world would end, in my mind. The world end and then everyone would call me every curse word under the sun if they found out, which wasn’t to be the reaction anyway when all the crap went down.
The thing with that, I think from the moment of this bullet entering me and having surgeries, it was like physically I was being opened up but emotionally I was being opened up so I had to release all these things and professional help helped me out and gave me tools and showed me options - basically gave me a whole kit of equipment that I never knew existed cos I didn’t know what this thing was. It helped me because I found out I wasn’t the only one who thought like this. All of a sudden it gave me a relief: a) that people didn’t hate me for all the secrets which were never that big, really, to some people. They were – most people, family, “Is that all? Oh, my God, if you’d just told us at the time.” I was, “Man, I’d made it so huge,” and that’s how my depression worked – it just kept getting bigger and the ocean got more and more.

The things that helped me in my recovery was professional help and over the period from me being in hospital for a long time to getting out, I saw probably four shrinks all up. Two were very helpful – the first one and the last one. Two in between weren’t and that’s okay, I suppose it’s trying to find the right fit. When I found the right fit it was easier to slowly open up this Pandora’s box of my own dark thoughts and feelings and helped normalise it for me. Also, family and friends – the real friends stayed and the pretenders left so it cleared the decks of any fakeness in my life and it really helped me be more open to them and still to this day they still give me a text or a call and, “Are you okay? Just checking.” I think it’s great, I feel like somebody’s looking out for me as well as still having the number to my shrink if I wanna chat about stuff. It’s been really helpful.

Unconditional love, like I said, it was great – the real friends stayed and then other people I didn’t know shared this thing called depression and they went, “Man, don’t worry, you’re not the only one. I tried this and then I had to and find ways to help myself.” Great, I’m not this alien, crazy anomaly that needs to be put away in a nut house. It was great to know things were universal.
Sometimes I feel like I’m leaping five steps ahead and just so bouncy and full of life. Then I might go back three steps now and again, I have to reassess where things were going a little bit astray. Like I said, when I got these tools I can go back and what am I not taking care of myself and the stressing. So, talking is huge but also, like I said, it’s great to have a shrink, man. I love my family and I love my friends, (but) sometimes I need people who are not going to have their own emotional baggage to try and get help ,cos it muddies the water. So, I like talking to my shrink, I just ring up sometimes, just a quick chat or go see them and it’s great.

I work in the arts and entertainment industry and sometimes the work is pouring through and there’s no rest and sometimes there’s a big drought. And it’s probably that’s an interesting metaphor for my moods and trying to maintain the stability of self, of mental health throughout those dry times. If I’m not feeling useful to helping something or someone or doing something productive then I can really start to play games with my head and go, “Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on, come on, come back into line, just go and find something or do something.” There’s so many things to do but I sometimes talk myself into a corner then have to talk myself back out! It’s okay, let’s go and do something and whether it’s writing or helping other people do their projects or going on this bike ride called Out of the Blue.

The writing for me – my writing – whether I’m writing for myself, especially on what happened to me, has been very therapeutic, it’s been hard. It’s been really hard, that’s why it’s taken so long to get it to a point to have it read out last year before I started putting it on. But also I’m writing a short film based around that event, not so much on me but it’s a great way for me to investigate my depression or depression in general.

It’s just how people operate, how we’ve got to be protective of ourselves but just to know that everyone’s got something going on to varying degrees. It’s been a great journey for me and learning.

Originally Posted by HASSAN2000

Oh Ok Then. I Shall Hopefully Get Round To Making An App Shortly.
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Good Day To You All. My Name: HASSAN - I'm 15 In January.
I'm Currently GMT 0.
I Have Only Ever Been In [WAPOW].


There Are Many Things About Toribash That I’ve Developed A Thorough Liking For. The General Concept Of Being Able To Do Anything You Can Imagine With Regards To Human Movement Just Appeals To Me Greatly And For Good Reason (I Shall Talk More About That Further Into My Application). That And The Fact That There’s No Alternative To Toribash. It’s Completely Different To Any Other Game I Can Recall In The Sense That; It’s Not Pay To Win (There Is No Single Item In The Game That Provides One With An Advantage Over Any Other Player), There’s An Extremely High Learning Curve And So It Challenges Even The Most Experienced At Times And Most Importantly, There Is No Campaign. In Any Other Regular Game You Would Expect Some Sort Of Checkpoint? Millstone? Some Pre Determined Stage In Which The Player May Say “I’ve Completed The Game”. Of Corse With Toribash It’s Very Much Different. You Are Left To Decide Where That Point In The Game Is. It’s The Decision Of The Player To Establish Their Own Goals In Game That – Upon Achieving Them, The Player Is Rewarded With That Well Earned Feeling Of Accomplishment We All Strive For.

What can you bring to [eVo]?: I Offer All My Respect To [eVo] And It’s Members. I Can Bring My Good SportsmanShip – Oh Wait, You Already Have That. I Offer My In Game Skills To This Great Clan – Hold On……. *Checks Members* Ok Yeh, You’re Not Lacking That Either :/ I Offer My Past Experience With Art And Design To [eVo]……. Oh Gosh Not Again *Dam It Mocucha! You Beat Me To It*. I Shall Gladly Offer My Views In Discussions On Relevant Matters Both In Game And Out Game…...Ok Now We’re Maybe Getting Some Ware.

Why choose [eVo]? Simple. One Can’t Scroll Through The Clan List With Out Noticing That One Clan That Instead Of Having The Usual: Official Since May 2013 – It’s Actually: Official Since Jan 2008. Straight Away It Portrays A Good, Active, Stable And Strong Clan With Members Highly Regarded By Me And Others As Incredibly Experienced, Mature And Remarkably Intelligent. All [eVo] Members Are Looked Up To And All Receive The Well Deserved Respect They’re Entitled To From The Community As A Whole. Only The Hardest Of Workers Have The Privilege Of Wearing The [eVo] Clan Tag – The Trademark Of Unmatched Skill Both In Game And Out Game.

Tell us about yourself: So, As You Know I’m Going On 15 Years Of Age And Live In England. I’m A High School FreshMan, Rapidly Approaching My Final Year Of Structured Education. I’m Currently Studying ICT, Product Design (Practical Work That Includes Constructing/Designing Useful Products And Heavy Product Analysis), Along With All The Other Compulsory Subjects One Is Made To Study In Year 10 At GCSE Level. I’m Also Currently On The Triple Science Course – The Most Advanced Of The Four. (As An Oppose To BTEC, Core And Additional). I Suffer From Attention Defersit Hyperactivity Disorder. As A Result, I Find Myself Unable To Sit Still At The Best Of Times. I Must Keep Moving At All Times To Keep Myself Content Weather It Be Rhythmically Tapping My Foot Against The Ground While Sitting Or Usually Spinning My Pen In-Between My Fingers. Whenever I Hear A Sound Or Something Catches My Eye, All My Attention Is Suddenly Directed Towards It. It’s Like A Reflex And It’s Just This That Makes Me Visually Stand Out Amongst A Crowd – My Eyes Are Constantly Darting Around, I Struggle Keeping Eye Contact And My Movements Are Impulsive. All My Actions Are Carried Out With Unremitting Haste. Sometimes I Forget Weather I’ve Done Something Like Putting My Phone On Charge Before Going Back To What Ever It Was I Was Doing Just Because The Time Spent Carrying It Out Was Soo Minimal, It Leaves No Sign In My Head That It’s Even Been Done, It Just Seems To Be A Thought Rather Than An Action. I Live Life In The Fast Lane. Movement Is The Key. That’s Why I Have Such A Deep Understanding Of Toribash Physics Because I’m Constantly Moving – Very Quickly. This Is Also Why I Play Most Of My Games On Qa Because I Can’t Stand The Wait. My Pulse (Resting Pulse) Is Always Faster Than That Of Anyone Else. My Metabolism Is High In The Morning, Then Skyrockets In The Evening As That’s The Time The Influence Of The Medication I Take In The Moring Starts To Wear Off. I Never Need Much Sleep. And Have Always Been Almost Severely Underweight, Yet Very Tall. I’m Always Running And Jumping Over The Banisters Of Stair Cases, Vaulting Over Railings and Walking Along The Top Of That Brick Wall In The Street Rather Than Strolling On The Pavement By The Side Of It. Anyway That’s Me.

Thank You Very Much Indeed For Reading (If You Did). Your Time Is Thoroughly Appreciated By Me. Please - I Offer My Dearest Apologies For My Long And Continuous Application. I Respect That Each And Every One Of You Are Very Busy People With Your Own Lives (Far More Interesting Than Mine) To Get On With. Whatever The Verdict Is, I Shall Accept Your Judgement Without Arguing. I Wish [eVo] And Its Great Members All The Very Best Of Luck In Future And Hope To Be Seeing You Guys In Game Sometime.

Yours Sincerely, HASSAN.


By The Way, Me And T0ri0Baby Have A........Lets's Say Understanding For Each Other.

Originally Posted by WhiteF719

I'm not exactly sure what to say seeing as I've never actually made an app before but I guess there's a first for everything right?

So I'm originally from France but we moved to Quebec, Canada a few years ago which means that 1. my english isn't actually that good and 2. I can't actually speak english all too well. (this means no Skype)

For my own privacy I won't be revealing my name but since a few people already know my age I'll just go ahead and tell you guys that I'm 14. I'm not going to go on a rant about how I'm "mature and shit" because that's exactly what someone who wasn't would do. It's reverse psychology.

A good friend of mine IRL (or at least he was until recently), Zubin, introduced me to the game in late 2012 and I played for about a year or so before quitting. I just got back.

Recently, I started a replay thread and although not much was said on it I keep getting approached by different people. One of them being T0ri0baby.

Upon getting back in to TB, eVo actually attracted my attention quite soon because, well, it was still around. The clan is inovative with it's ideas and seems to offer quite a lot of possibilities. A pretty good reason to join if you ask me.

T0ri0 and a couple others from eVo have already asked (begged) me to join which meant I was required to write an app which you (whomever you are) are now reading.

I'm not sure what else to say but know that I have my reasons for wanting to join and you'll just have to trust me on this one.

BTW I'm a girl, be nice.

I attached a replay to show how rusty I've become (for those of you who might remember me) but also because since coming back it remains the only one I'm proud of.

Cheerio folks.

Originally Posted by ERants

Please respond as quickly as possible.

Originally Posted by Eddy

Ok, rejected.

Originally Posted by KidJay

Wat about me