I have been going through a lot of emotional issues, possibly having darker thoughts which could lead to... negative side effects. My self-esteem has hit the toilet and I cant simply cant find much reason anymore. Any help out there?

Well. Im sad to say that I have... well I'll word this lightly "attempted" twice before. Due to the same girl.

Im really trying to find a light at the end of this tunnel, but Im not really finding one.

Serious posts only please?

No.

Its been going on for quite sometime. Over the last 2 years wev gone out 5 times, and then she dumps me for a friend of mine.

I've always seen relationships as a 1 time thing. If you're with someone, and you have problems, and split up it probably won't work a second time. Just go out and find someone new. You control how happy you are. If you sit around, and tell yourself that nothing will get better, it probably won't. I might not know how you feel, exactly, but I've had a rough life, and I know what hard times are like. On a lighter note, cigarettes do help. Unless you're too young, then they're bad, and you're all bad kids for wanting them.

No Razorsharp lmao. She goes to my school

A) Im to young for cigs
B) Im not going to be depressed and get cancer.


Everytime I think things will be diffrent because of a quazi-deep gesture presented towards me however they always prove to be wrong. Now she utterly hates me because I yelled at her for whats happened. Its very uncomfortable to have someone who you have feelings for hate you, especially when shes friends with all of my friends.

My escape / hobby through all my drama has always been games. My friends truly never support me in there works, and once I asked if they cared if I.. "departed", their reply was "Yes, because then we would have to find someone else to make fun of". While I consider myself rather intelligent, my friends seem to always better me in everything I try. I will study hard for a test and get an 80%, then they tell me how they havent studied and played WoW all night and they end up with 95%. They find me not funny, and themselves hilarious. Toribash changed my momentum a bit because none of them play the game. I and people around me who dont know me personally would be the judge of my sucess. I was playing WoW with them; however, they mocked me in that game as well and "Euls" (my priest) became the laughing stock of Scarlet Crusade. Even to this day if you went to that trade channel and mentioned my name.

Unfortunatly my countless hours spent on this game have proven to less progress as I would like. I would enjoy finally being better at something then most, so that for once I would be the one who acquires some sense of achievement and respect. Iv never been a figure to uphold such aspects. While I understand that I have made progress in my time spent here, I still feel as if im not even touching the greats of this game. Playing many many hours a day averaging to about 80 wins each day, I figure I would play hard, try even harder to get better at this. While its a way to get about this, im only seeing constant and consistent signs of me failing at this goal.

There is very little im looking forward towards now.

Well. There the only ones I got. And its a small school. I cant really go searching for others. Ummmmm. This was the thing that made me happy. Until recent ... "shittieness" in skill.

She just called me today. She wanted to talk. I was extremely evasive. She then asked if I was okay. (This is because on sunday she said she loved me. On monday we were kinda chill. On tuesday we kinda yelled at each other about something. And since then till now she hasnt been talking to me. So i went through yet another emotional spiral). I said "nothing". She then said in a very like.. sad face way "You told me you would never lie to me". And I was soo tempted to say "You told me you always loved me". But I didnt. Cuz I dont have the guts to hurt her feelings. So she asked me again. I said nothing. Then I told her I dont think im going to talk to her for awhile. To try to get over her. She said thats dumb. I said why should I love you if you wont love me back. Sshe said my logic is dumb and im drawing up dumb conclusions. She then was like w/e. an Hung up on me extremely pissed off. Now I feel extremely sad because I hate that shes upset with me. And I really wish she would be easier with this.

People who may call me their friend:

Robert- Constantly corrects my grammar. Hates my metaphors and comparisons. Belittle's me constantly. Always excels at school whilel doing less work then me. Almost went out with "her". She broke up with me for him once.

Jack- Thinks I am literally retarded. Says I for the most part really obnoxious, dont use logic at all, and I overall fail at life. Basic philosophy is hear what I have to say, then do the exact opposite.

Jacob- ...He is cool. Soft spoken. Almost anti-social. Sometimes belittles me, but he is nice.