sure Razer :3
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i found them join abds for the war against GDL
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the password for the server is: log
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i found them join abds for the war against GDL
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the password for the server is: log
Last edited by Kazu; Oct 28, 2014 at 09:19 PM.
Reason: <24 hour edit/bump
Pidda's spirit animal
Originally Posted by Kradel
It's a normal day in the life of Michiko. The gentle breeze flowing through her tender hair as she walks to school, softly wrapping her arms around her herself to keep her delicate body warm on this cold and snowy day.
"Michiko!" A distant shout catches Michiko's attention. She glares up to see her best friend waving from across the road.
1. "Hi Sakura!" Replies Michiko. Sakura signals for Michiko to come to her. Michiko carefully looks both ways before crossing and quickly runs across to Sakura. A group of teenage girls who were walking behind Michiko start laughing at her innocence. One of the older girls, Sumiko, comments on her act. "She still looks both ways? How old is she?" She laughs. Her friends join in, most of them not even sure what they're laughing about. Sakura notices the girls laughing at Michiko and anger builds up inside of her. Michiko sees the change in Sakura's facial expression.
"What's wrong Sakura?" Asks Michiko
"Turn around Michiko," orders Sakura. "See those girls over there?"
"Yes," Replies Michiko "Why do you ask?"
"I want you to stay away from them." Says Sakura.
"Is there something wrong with them? Asks Michiko.
"They aren't nice people. Promise me you won't go anywhere near them." Says Sakura. Michiko nods in reply.
It's the start of third period, music. Michiko and Sakura are sat (seated*) towards the front of the class. 2. The teacher isn't here yet so Michiko and Sakura chatting about boys. Michiko has an eye for a certain guy. 3. He's tall, muscular, smart, nice and cute. Every time Michiko is around him she starts biting her lip (and looking away maybe?) because she's nervous she'll embarrass herself in front of him. Sakura on the other hand, isn't into boys (I'd say "guys" here). She's interested in girls and she also has a crush, but she refuses to tell Michiko. (I think this part is too early and should be revealed through actions instead of narration, also her crush is a bit obvious assuming it's Michiko)
A couple of minutes later, the teacher walks in.
"Settle down class." He says, with a soft and kind voice. The noise of chatter fades away.
"Last week I set a homework task, I wanted you to create a short verse to sing today. The topic was love." He stops and looks at the students. "Sakura, would you like to share yours?" He asks.
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1. Normally if you get surprised to see someone like that you don't say hi, you'd just say their name, it seems more natural.
2. Incorrect English. Simple fix.
3. I feel his description is a bit too cliche and aren't too specific on any unique main traits he may have
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Other than that, I like the story. Hope you heed a bit of my advice
