Originally Posted by Gabe

Where’s the part where you say how beautiful I am?!

Originally Posted by Karstnator

tldr

Edit: I thought this was in Off-Topic, mb

I've seen you around as ES but I dont recall any events you've hosted

Originally Posted by Szaszuniya

Fire if you're reading this message just know you will instantly die before asking about a TLDR;
The Szaszu debuff is too strong for you...

I am Szaszuniya, an American-brazilian Toribash player and a member of Mogul. I happen to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday and I wanted to make a list TB based on what I am thankful for to show my gratitude this year on the forums.




First and foremost, I am thankful to myself for trying to become a better individual and return to the community in efforts to see if I could engage with the game and become a better person currently than how I behaved initially when I first started the game.


This has led me to pursue routes of all kinds, and those pathways have led to me to being thankful for the following:


Taking a chance to join the discord server and occasionally speak in off-topic. Reflecting back on my first few messages I started out initially trying to assist people in #replays and #support, where I eventually landed in #off-topic and was greeted by Noobcat, Froog, Daboomba, and Queer. These active members of the server led me to grow comfortable and actively feel welcomed during a time where I most like a lurker or new player. You could tell I didn't know how to really talk confidently and the openness of others allowed me to stabilize and become who I am now to the community.


Getting into realism mods by trying to get to the bottom of what I was really interested in within Toribash's gameplay. I used to play Boxshu and Lenshu a ton because I felt cool and thought I was able to attempt cool moves (even if I was just spinning around doing random stuff) which led me to join SpyderHouse and Unbound during my brief re-appearance in 2021-2022. I had no clue what I was doing and the SpyderHouse trials completely redefined my though process towards moving in Toribash, but there were also people from Team Aikido that helped me with their guides and hour or so long lobby hosting for training. When I quickly left because I thought I wasn't personally ready to engage with the game again, I returned a year ago and quickly found myself getting into tricking and MMA, thanks to a mysterious being dubbed Liquid Ocelot(Xyzw before full set was banned cause of copyrighted textures BIG SADNESS 5000)...Xyzw randomly messed me and asked if I ever did parkour. I didn't even know how to run or walk but that session changed my life as I found out about Mocucha's resources and other guides Xyzw shared as well as his own words and advice that got me to get to the near end of a parkour map before I DQ'ed on the ground because THIS STUPID MF FORGOT TO TURN OFF DQ FOR THE MAP. Soon after I really enjoyed how I felt and tried to run at least 1 session every time I opened the game just to understand tori physics more.


Joining a clan that really made me feel like I could get back into the game. When I came back, there was a clan called Team Sugar Rush(later rebranded to Fang, then went on the activity decline) that had many fun players both new and experienced that helped me get into tricking, sparring, and MMA based gameplay. Some of these players while not being apart of Fang I am thankful for are: Raven, Neko, Lokirs, Orber, Vendetta, Xyzw, Papes, Pail, Frost, Sora, Bro(Ziva), Syke, CutterChop, Chax, D1v1ne, Kros, AbyssVortex for initially getting me to play the game in various lobbies that either ended good or badly XD.


Pursuing other avenues with other players to gain new experiences. This led me to eventually join Liquor since Fang collectively voted to disband following player activity dipping and not being able to gain official status, I was personally invited by Frost and Sora because I looked up to Sora a lot during this time. Liquor showed me initially that you didn't have to be online all the time to keep up with people 24/7 and I met a lot of great people from Liquor. AbyssVortex, Chax, Caption, Sora, Frost, Death29, Asuna, Stern, Lily, Writer, Seth, Riki, Alguix, Kaito, Koby, Temple, Shine, Skrillex, Ryuu, Zack, Classic, laido, Zeno, Glizzies, Team, Esh, Zevv(and more because I don't see some names I vaguely remember from the current clan list) ALL these people welcomed me and played with me whenever they had time, between our stupid duels with dumb rules and punishments, playing in war lobbies, playing variety mods or mods I made, teaching me how to play the game, understanding each others cultures and lives, understanding the community more, the importance of doing things outside of TB like playing other games with each other or pursuing other hobbies. I learned a lot from being in Liquor and the experience for myself personally was great. Sucks I can't be in multiple clans all at once on one account because there's a few I enjoyed being in.


Not giving up on what I truly wanted to do and keep going when frustration tells me no. Xyzw, AbyssVortex, Zack, Asuna, Esh, Temple, Shine, Skrillex, Bro(Ziva), Caption and many others encouraged me to keep at it when playing other mods, sparring, or trying to learn parkour initially with Xyzw because they knew how much I enjoyed the game and genuinely gave me great advice to keep trying and to not give into frustration. This is a leading principle for me on the importance on not giving up.


Spending time with others when their time might be limited even if I didn't feel like it. Zack was and is still known as the "Fuck around and find out" member of Liquor. When he saw that I wanted to understand his opener in Boxshu, he actually explained it to me. When he found out that I was trying to get into realism, he beat my ass many many times sparring and fighting in other mods. Even if I didn't understand the concepts of fair play and not grabbing, he stuck with me and encouraged me to truly understand rather than just moving my tori. This led me to spend countless hours grinding spars with many other people including others I may not have liked because of how others perceived them, so I used my newfound skills to better myself and understand those I didn't know too much about. I met lots of legends in the community from doing so, sometimes spending hours or even full days/nights playing with them in lobbies with others chilling and getting to know each other while occasionally exchanging advice(or starting arguments because one opinion might've been personal preference over facts LMFAOO XDDDD) and trying out different types of mods I didn't even know existed in the game that further challenged my abilities to play. This led me to then play a variety of other games with the same people like completing Sons of The Forest 2, playing BG3(being annoying and impatient), Minecraft, Terraria, Sports games(which is crazy cause I never really play them), MOBA's, FPS, and more. While I wasn't used to doing these kind of things with others, the time I spent doing so were some of the best times ever, even if sometimes we became frustrated with each other in a variety of ways...(BUT I WANNA GO OVER THERE PLEASEEEE Zack: BITCH WE WILL FUCKING DIE WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL TO GO TO THAT AREA SZASZU PLEASE!!)


Pursuing creative routes in order to tap into my imaginative side and prove stigmas wrong about the game. I will never forget how many times I would load into a lobby and some people thought my personality didn't really match the kitsune mask I was wearing, often saying that I am more vibrant and energetic than someone hiding behind a mask. I reflected upon this(probably way too much) and decided to fully customize my character as much as I could and this led to lobbies breaking and people freaking out because I was a giant ball of 200+ items at any given time + flames(dear god I am so sorry to everyone) and ACTUALLY playing with them on which shocked people because usually 3D items are turned off by a lot of players. This led me to eventually being gifted a lot of great things by the community because they knew I would enjoy them more and I would constantly change up my full joint and body set like 20 times a week with new ideas and customization options, sometimes inspiring others by wanting to obtain or customize their tori more. Instead of hoarding a bunch of items I couldn't wear I instead found a way to give them back to the community as rewards for events or doing challenging things instead of giving me TC or USD for it a lot of the times. From this I learned that Tesla and Onyx were my favorite colors in the game. Szaszuniya color combo is Tesla pack with blossom glows or Onyx/Void/Hunter/etc with Elf glows. Lots of purple or dark purple are my go to options .


Using my creativity to give back to the community. I will ALSO never forget the conversations I had with people in lobbies about how I have good ideas for mods or atmospheres and that instead of pondering on the what-if's I should just go and learn how to do it. This led me to trying to understand modmaker before I knew pouffy's guide existed, and I made some notable mods like Dogenshura(thanks to Eidolon, killer3366, Ynvaser, Reptile, Aespa, Skizz, Kros, BOOST, Itemp and many many others that were there playtesting with me and giving me good ideas), Boxshu_v6 with functional doors(when I learned joints was a thing), patching boxshu_mushu_v5 and v3 a variety of times(I hate ADHD), BoxshuLenshu combo variants and arenas, xspar training variants inspired by Jagger700 and other trickers, BEDSHU CAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE LIKED THAT ONE FOR SOME REASON, BOXSHU JUNGLE TOWER WAS AMAZING and some other variety mods I created by combining other mods together and hosting them when I was an ES member.


Trying out opportunities even if it might not be what I wanted to do or thought I wouldn't be successful. Some players like Caption, Frost, Temple, Shine, Xyzw, Melrose, Nicotine, Warlord, Snowman, Deimos, AbyssVortex, DatIce really encouraged me to apply to something called Event Squad because I was making a bunch of mods and listening to players recommendations for changes/updates and also was casually hosting lobbies while not specifically being etourneys or anything, and they noted how respectful I was when being OP and being able to maintain decently sized lobbies even if I had no clue how hosting worked. I ended up writing an application that broke PM's and Melrose was busy deciphering 100,000+ words because I copy/pasted and the format broke. After Melrose recovered from his PTSD from my application, giving me his initial response that ES as a whole would look into it, I was soon accepted as an ES Trial and my journey as an ES member begun.


Listening to the community and providing them with a good time while having extra power to do so. When I was an ES trial, I admit it was very difficult to learn how to host a lobby and get used to managing events. Lots of ES members during that time really encouraged me to be the best that I could be as a trial and by listening to them I ended up becoming a fan favorite freshie for other players, so I spent countless nights learning how to host better and grinded TF OUT OF HOSTING FOR EVERYONE. Chances are if you opened the game or discord I was trying to host like a DAMN MF. I wanted to host so many events that I would get tired and STILL HOST MORE. There were a few days were sometimes I would host 10-12 events per day off rip because I wanted to start a great time for those online. That's all I truly saw and wanted out of ES. I wanted players and staff to have a great time. From the slow lobbies to the packed ones, I tried my best to understand the community and what they'd like to play even if it wasn't the most optimal thing to host because of time and how big queue's would get, but I didn't let that stop me and learned myself how it would go charging on forward. I hosted standard mods like Aikido, Boxshu, Lenshu, TK, RK, etc to hosting very fun variety mods like Nightmare's mods, Matarika's mods, WTF playlist mods(huge pack of OG mods from a long time ago), old mods like Wushu/Mushu, base/round Greykido, Ninjustu, and more because people took the chance to ask me if I could host them someday because they reminisced on them being in the public lobby list. I was very happy to host as much as I did because most of the time people were having fun and I even faced my fears with hosting ebets and became really good at hosting them, some of my biggest ebet lobbies were hours long in mods like erthtkv2, Aikido, Boxshu, some mods by Nightmare, fack I think I even had one in Dogenshura a couple times that led to game balancing discussions with that mod because of adapting playstyles, and more. I ended up pitching in for the return of Weekend Bash with Ponzo, Boost, Melrose and some others and I was there EVERY SINGLE SATURDAY OR SUNDAY except for maybe 2 in order to host them myself, co-lead with another ES member to provide a great time, or just maintain a lively atmosphere. I even got to host some realism mods like RT boxing, shootboxing, a brief MMA bout, kogloves I think, and some more, because I felt like the realism portion of our community dipping into MMA based mods deserved some kind of spotlight for hosting if my skills as a host could provide them with that. From the results, it did, and gave lots of players a boosted interest in their own skills, competition with rivals, and a reminder that their time investment in this game can be valued by other people than just themselves, because I valued their time.


Being able to lead myself with my own choices and pursuits even if it didn't end well. I have mentioned that I am currently a member of the fantastic clan Mogul. Before I was in Mogul, I was in a clan called Envy. Envy was a clan I applied to because lots of their members really enjoyed and valued my time being spent on the game and encouraged me to dip into the variety factor and take a break so I wouldn't initially burn out and become disinterested. While the clan isn't really as active other ones, they do tend to maintain high activity numbers occasionally, even while most of their players aren't able to play the game due to IRL reasons or because they themselves have done a lot within the game community or gameplay wise. I joined the clan and was actively vcing with over a dozen people constantly, and led me to understand lots of new faces while making sense of their activity numbers. Envy was, and still kind of is a hub for the community. Lots of people have actively vc'ed with me including staff members within the Envy server even though they(and later on me) stuck out as a sore thumb because of our occupation with the game. I later came to understand that it didn't matter whether what our occupation was, as a lot of Envy members really valued each others time by playing a SHITAKI ton of games together, sometimes hanging out IRL, and having debates/arguments with one another in the most chaotic and intense ways over a variety of things sometimes with 10+ facking people all vcing, moving to other channels to talk, or others joining to troll/ragebait half the time as well. If I were to summarize the Envy server just imagine a gigantic friend group struggling to filter each other and occasionally getting in trouble with Envy leadership as if they were the parents of the house they were all hanging out at, just with adults instead of kids(although some of the ones I knew from Envy could be easily swinging from maturity to immaturity like a metronome and I was dubbed intellectually insane half the time or just straight up super mega stupid 9000 and weird) Envy is just one example of pursuing a route that didn't seem like the best option for other people but I did meet some great people and also understood the community more because it's easy to just think of some things as nothing special/whatever when just looking at words through a screen.


Never stop being myself, even if sometimes it's not well received. While it's understandable that sometimes there's some things you shouldn't do or try to say/behave in some way because of it being rude, negative, or not well received, one thing I have been constantly told by others throughout my journey as a TB player or staff member was to never stop being myself. I try to be nice and inviting to others but one thing I just tend to do is be weird. I just can't help it, I am a very energetic and eccentric individual. A lot of people in the community like that part of me, because it's led me to lots of great experiences and intrinsic experiences for other players because it would remind them of the good times or how they used to be, often turning into great story telling and an exchange of advice, skills, or passing on of things and reminding others to also just be themselves. Other times(as there are many lets be honest) where my weirdness made things awkward, misinterpreted either by myself or others, or gave people a bad first impression, or gave me a bad impression of other people. The funny thing is, just as much as I am trying to be me, others are also trying to do so as well, or guise themselves as someone else, and that can lead to conflicts of interest or a big misinterpretation of how they really are. While common sense would tell you to not take the internet seriously, as you never know what you're being told or seeing is entirely the truth or how it's really like, I genuinely have tried my best to maintain a consistent mood and behavior with everyone regardless of their occupation within the game. Sometimes naturally others will simply not like you or get along with you well, rather know you from a distance or know of you from a distance. I understand that, which is why you should never force yourself to be who you are not, because a fabricated existence can often be a hallow one. Now lemme tell you, that kind of thing by itself can simply not be well received, which is what makes human existence beautiful, when sometimes we make it hell for each other.


Have patience, even if tomorrow seems like it may not come. Sometimes I can get really impatient, or rush things, or get someone frustrated because I seem like I can understand something or do something and then do the complete opposite and run myself into the ground. All the best times I've had are just simply being patient with myself and others. Some tend to live by the day, others by the will of time, and others by the second. We are all not the same, nor from the same background or know the same stuff as each other. The best way I have learned to get a great outcome most of the time is simply be patient with others. Either by playing the toribash or another game, collabing, debating/arguing, working on projects together, setting differences and more. There's a ton you can achieve with time and patience, even if it FEELS like you might not have much of it or any at all. When you're sore from a workout you need time to recover. When you leave off on a bad note with someone it can take a while for them to come back around, if not at all. Believing in and acting on patience will allow you to pull through the toughest times, and figure out ways to respond to someone or a situation in a way you never thought of before simply because being impatient led you to not understanding properly or being led astray.


If someone is actively reaching out to you, do not shy away. Before I felt comfortable enough to engage willingly with the community, I often times would watch the chats flow and see how others engaged with each other. Good or bad, I noticed that some people might care enough about a topic, the flow of the conversation, certain people talking/responding, or just being there and apart of it. Even randomly, just for a meme or to mess around, someone else entirely irrelevant to the scenario would be mentioned or spoken to, leading to interesting outcomes good and bad. While I tried myself to eventually speak and be apart of conversations, even simple interests could be a way someone could be like "you know, I think that person might be cool and chill so I'll message them" and why you could get a message thrown your way. Instead of being scared or not sure how to respond, simply just reply back instead of complicating things. When I started to be more active the amount of people wanting to engage with me increased, and I decided to try and respond to them(rip Fire) often times with gigantic walls of text, even those possibly overstimulated by all my typing they still reached out and wanted to talk to me whether in their comfort zones(forums, in-game chats, voice chats, servers, steam chat), or just by saying hello randomly while I hosted. Sometimes for me it would simply be like: "How the fuck do I even pronounce your username mf" FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW YET IT CAN BE EITHER "SAH-ZOO-KNEE-YA" or "SHA-SHU-KNEE-YA", both of these can work as my username is based on a Polish name "Szasz" while also originally being a Hungarian name. Sometimes even a simple message like that would spark friendships or fun times(bad times if you're skizz because conforming to typing my name is hell for them), like the many nicknames I have been given such as: Szaszu, Szas, Sza, "Sizza", "Sha"(polish way of saying my nickname Sza), Fiolet, Violet, Rara, Lala, Mimi, chicken, chicken obsessed, crazy lunatic, stupid idiot, MF, banned, szasznyayankanadgn, saszunaya, Niya, purple niya, sazuniyah, and more. These kind of interactions are how others were able to engage with me in a way they wanted to and I didn't mind it at all. None of this would have happened if I stayed silent or never responded to everyone that ever reached out to me.


Hate your friends, enjoy your enemies. I think this is an important one, as it is a massively misunderstood concept around the world and definitely difficult on the internet. Sometimes you will become friends with people, sometimes great friends with people, that just do the dumbest shet imaginable or act massively dumb and it will just piss you off. "I hate that shit about you bro", "I hate with this mf does this shit", "On god please stop existing atm", "Just stop talking- just stop", etc etc. These kind of interactions can allow you to perceive your friends in multiple ways, since just only having great times with someone can be pretty one-dimensional. Trying not to be correct all the time or traveling down a one way avenue can really show you who you really are to yourself, to them, or vice versa. This can allow a natural flow of peace and chaos between certain friends and allow breaks between one another in case things get intense. When it comes to enjoying your enemies, it's as simple as it sounds. Some people will just flat out despise you, your existence, what you do, how you behave, what you say, it's and endless list. They will be around, you will run into them, you or them will enter/exit situations and you will both take away your own experience from it. EVEN THEN, there's still something coming from that. You could be in-game rivals, having opposing beliefs or technical opinions, one lacking experience but having knowledge and one having experience and made up of knowledge(sometimes not so much as they go off the experiences they've had), sometimes leading to reports or arguments that require seniority with authorization to officially enact the STFU clause upon one of you or both. While you can simply just have the "fuck off" or "idgaf" attitude about it, this kind of experience with people within the community is still something that happens or goes on. Without your enemies, none of this would happen, another part of internet engagement null and void.


Be the keyholder, not the chain-bearer. At the end of the day, this game is free to play. Toribash has been a sign-up and join in community for a very long time. While some genuinely want to get into the game and have, while others are just looking for a community to be apart of, never forget that you can simply just walk away. Actions don't just speak louder than words, they ARE loud, even brief actions that don't seem like they would wake up even someone deaf(or is so oblivious they might as well be deaf.) Sometimes you will deafen yourself to the ability to walk away. Regardless if it's playing the game, interacting with the community, or being in some kind of leadership/occupation that gives you relevancy within the community. At any given time, even if you are drooling brainrotted dueler who makes money by skill issuing people, you still have the power at your disposal to just walk away. I want to be clear that I am not saying just never play the game again or engage with the community forever and ever book closed and burnt in a fire, I am trying to simply say to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say it's okay. I have seen first hand some people who have literally been in this community since it started, still actively playing and seeming like they have something on their mind or have been lead on autopilot by some situations or a belief that they have to stay no matter what or all of existence will end for me, even if you have not played in a while or do some off and on tasks. If there's something you truly want to do like reading a certain book you've been thinking of for a while, going to watch a TV show, playing a different game, wanting to catch up on friends or family even if you didn't leave on a good note, overall just getting to a better spot in life, PLEASE go ahead and do it. When you yourself are at peace to the core, nothing on your mind or having you feel like you have accomplished enough to spend some time on Toribash or within the community, it's a great feeling. Sometimes those that have done this have started families, gotten their dream job, ended up in a bad spot to get into a better one, or had to change themselves up to pursue opportunities other other groups of people because they were able to walk away. This is a very intrinsic, difficult, self-defining thing to do. While you can find the giga chads, boss girl role models, people with regrets or something to sell trying to market to you to go within or outsource individuality or the will to do something for once and make a stand against your own stagnation, I can promise you that it doesn't take a single dime to do so. There's people who will spend a couple dollars and grab a book that changes their life. Others could spend a few hundred dollars on a course to refocus themselves or attempt some self repair or relationship diagnostics, there's also people who have money to burn that could spend legitimately(im not joking here) thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, even possibly millions+ on trying to find themselves or will the power to walk away from certain things in order to unbind themselves from some kind of chains that hold them back when all along they had the key to those same chains. Doesn't matter if you're a kid, an adult, well past your prime or think you're too old to do it now, I can 100000000% assure you that doing this will only cost you some time(a currency in of itself for mortals like me or whoever reads this post) and some really, really hard hitting realizations and bias reforms. We are creatures of habit, ignorance is one gigantic existential habit that is easy to rebel against for some, other times it can practically lead someone's life all the way to the deathbed. It's truly up to you, the one living your own individual life(get off autopilot NOW) to truly think outside the box and understand that those doors you think are impossible to open and go through in the future or are repressed from your past in your mind and memories, can truly be opened with strength and dominance by your own hands and will to guide you and become the ultimate key to your own chains. You don't have to be like Icarus, you can sprout wings that will be strong enough to break through even the most claustrophobic spaces that you think you'll never be able to escape.






We all share the same sky. Wake up and understand that you are not alone in this madness. There are people trying to figure things out just like you, no matter the background. We all have our own challenges to face and conquer that are either set by yourself or imposed by others directly or indirectly. BE STRONG. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Never ever forget those that genuinely wanted you to become better. No system, no role or occupation, no amount of money or materialism will truly give you the value you seek for yourself or others. So please, walk away and find yourself, even if it's for a couple days, weeks, or a very long time. While others will have an idea of what kind of journey you will be on, others will tell you themselves they've been down that road before, only you will be able to will yourself to continue going and complete your journeys end.




Always thank yourself and be grateful to who you currently are. If you feel or even know that your current self is not ideal, or good enough for what you truly want to be, just remember that some of our worlds legends in their respective fields whether its sports/esports, music, entertainment, etc. regardless of their background were nothing special or even below average compared to their peers. The difference between them and others with opposite achievements and renown comes down to their choices, consistency, and fighting against what seems like the impossible within themselves or imposed by others. Don't think about the will, summon it. Command your will. Even if it feels like doing so is similar to lighting a campfire underwater, DO IT. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.






For anyone who celebrates thanksgiving, I hope you can also think of some things to be grateful for, if you're unsure or figuring stuff out, that's okay. Happy holidays!


P.S: There's a ton of people I wanted to mention for being thankful on getting to know you/talk to you and have experiences within the game but I didn't think of your username at the moment while writing so thanks for everything! - Deez Nutz Szaszuniya out.